Zest for Life: Refreshing Your Marriage with the Fruit of the Spirit

 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law". Galatians 5:22-23

This verse in Galatians packs quite a number of attributes.  Nine of them!  As Christians we are called to live by the spirit and it will become evident because we will bear the fruit.  This fruit, mentioned in Galatians.  Notice it does not say “fruits,” but rather “fruit.” I think of it as one orange with nine segments inside.  

When I think of these attributes I wonder if I exhibit all of them.  Yes, no, sometimes, and never. Yet I am called to do so.  That, my friends, is only possible with the power of the Holy Spirit. You may be reading this thinking to yourself that you know this verse, you understand it. But stick with me because I want to put the marriage spin on it, one orange segment at a time.

Love

What does it mean to love in a marriage?  We all promised to love our spouse through the good times and bad, in sickness and health, through rich or poor times. And after life sets in we forget to truly love our spouse in those hard times.  Don’t feel bad because you are not alone.  Let this be a reminder to love your spouse like Jesus loves you.  Show that love in your words and actions regardless of what you see on the outside.

Joy

Joy is based on your relationship with God regardless of your circumstances.  That’s a hard pill to swallow!  When we are in the midst of a really hard season it can be very difficult to find true and real joy.  When you and your spouse are in a dry season, joy seems out of reach.  So what do you do?  Number one, focus on God being first in your life.  That is the most important thing.  Ask God to give you that joy in your marriage.  Diligently look for something positive in your spouse and choose to focus on that rather than the storm around you.  See if it makes a difference in your marriage`.

Peace

God promises to give us peace in the storm and we just need to ask for it!  He will give us peace that makes no sense.  It is essential to pray for this peace and believe that He will give it to you.  If your house is not a place of rest and peace, pray for it, be the peacemaker in your home.

Patience

This may be a hard one!  I’ve heard it said to never pray for patience because you will end up behind every slow driver on the road!  Ha! But seriously, how many of us lose patience with our spouse?  Hands raised up everywhere!  Think about the times you’ve asked your spouse to do something, over and over again, waiting for them to follow through.  You may lose it.  But this is a good time to love like Jesus loves and show patience.  Another example is when your spouse is going through something emotional, a heart break, sadness, physical or emotional healing.  It is vital that you show understanding and patience in their healing, offering encouragement and hugs.  This can make such a difference in your growth and connection with each other.

Kindness

How many of us do random acts of kindness for others, especially in our marriage? Honestly, we kind of forget to do the simple little things. It was easy in those dating years but then it gets moved to the back burner.  Let’s bring it back to the front burner and turn that heat up!  Sweet notes left in the car, mushy texts that express your thoughts, hugs and kisses for no reason…those are precious examples.  But take it a step further and pick up that broom to help with chores, do something without being asked, make it something that you would not normally do.  My hope is that your spouse sees this and returns with more kindness.  A little goes a long way.

Goodness

When you think of someone to be a good person, quite often they go above and beyond to help, to include, and to love others.  They tend to be selfless, often putting others above themselves.  God is good.  Jesus is our perfect example of goodness because of His sacrificial gift of dying for our sins.  Your challenge is to put your spouse above yourself and take care of their needs before your own.  Be the hands and feet of Jesus and live a life that exemplifies Him through good deeds towards your spouse.

Faithfulness

Now this one speaks for itself!  Be faithful to your spouse in everything you do.  Set firm boundaries in your relationship that become safeguards to keep you on the right path.  Boundaries are not meant to steal your fun, but rather, they are meant to keep you safe.  Protect your marriage by having the conversation and making agreements on boundaries you will set in place and live by.

Gentleness

A gentle person is calm, meek, and humble.  These are not signs of weakness but of a quiet strength. Let’s be gentle in our words and build up our spouse with encouragement and love.  Let’s be humble in our actions, attitude, and communication.  Have a heart of love.

Self Control

Sometimes we lose it.  We throw a fit.  We kick and scream and yell.  We lose control.  So many times it is because we are not getting our way in life, in our marriage.  We become angry.  But God desires us to be in control of those emotions.  This takes action in giving our thoughts, words, and behaviors to God, laying them at His feet, asking for Him to change us, to teach us.  Easier said than done, right?  It is a process but it is worth the hard work.  

Putting It All Together

Is it possible to obtain each facet of the fruit of the spirit?  We will never quite get there because we are always growing and changing.  Galatians 5:22 serves as a guidebook, something we should strive to obtain.  It starts with priorities being aligned correctly.  God is first, your spouse is second, your children are third.  This is the way God designed us to be.  When He is first, He will cause you to shed the old stuff that is not good.  He will stretch you, teach you, and help you grow as a person.  These nine segments of the fruit will become stronger.  And the beautiful thing is that you will be on the journey of becoming the husband or wife that you have the potential to be.