Love Is Patient...

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

This verse packs a big punch of how we should treat one another in love, in our marriage. When I dig deeper into this verse I notice a list of positive attributes, as well as negative attributes. Then I think about how these attributes relate to each other and what it means for our relationship, how we relate to our spouse. I believe that when our marriages begin, we have pure intentions of loving each other with patience, kindness, trust, hope, and perseverance.  We don’t set out with the intention of pride, dishonorable behavior, anger, and envy. Yet, those negative characteristics slowly seep in, quite often destroying us. 

Let’s dive into this powerful verse together. 

Having patience is hard for so many of us! We don’t want to wait in line, we don’t want to wait in traffic, we don’t want to wait too long for our food to cook (microwave anyone?), and we don’t want to wait for our spouse to do whatever they need to do. Yet being patient is listed first in this verse so it must be the most important attribute! So how do we live a life of patience? Before I dig into that question, let's look at how it all goes wrong and spirals into something you never intended.

When you are not patient with your spouse you will be easily angered when he or she is running late or not getting projects done that you’ve requested. 

This plays into keeping no record of wrong, often called score keeping.  We may not want to admit it but we do tend to keep score of the number of times our spouse has messed up or let us down. 

Then the pride sets in because of the judgmental thoughts we may have towards our spouse.  We like to think that we would never do the things the other person is doing.  

This brings us to self-seeking behavior or only thinking of yourself in the decisions you make. It’s not all about you.  There is another person in your marriage that should be put first. 

We may be so bold as to let the other person know what we think of him or her in these moments. Let’s call that boasting. Boasting about how your ways and opinions are better than his or her ways.  

When this happens we likely dishonor our spouse with belittling, constant negativity, and put downs. We dismiss them in the process.

We may not think we delight in these evil moments of pridefulness, boasting, and self-seeking behavior. However, that is the modus operandi we live by in our marriages.  Evil seems to rule and becomes the norm.

In looking at other couples, even our dearest friends, we may see what we wish we could have. And that, my friends, is envy.  We think they have figured out how to have the most incredible spouse and marriage. So we become jealous of them. 

All of these negative attributes are sinful behaviors that God despises. When He created marriage, He wanted wives to be supportive helpers of their husbands.  He created husbands to lead and care for their wives.  Yet, it all went wrong when sin entered the world.  The good news is that it is not too late for you.  

Philippians 2:3-4 says “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” 

It is time to get back to the aforementioned question.  How do we live a life of patience? The answer lies within the verse itself.  If you look at the positive attributes of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, you can make the decision that you will live with a new modus operandi.  

Practicing the patience that was mentioned first.  Holding your tongue, supporting your spouse in the mess when things are not going right in your eyes. Asking God to help you simmer down in the moment. Waiting is hard but necessary for God to change you, heal you, grow you.

Showing kindness in all moments in our words and actions make all the difference in the growth of your marriage.

We can then develop such a great support of each other as we rejoice in truth, getting excited for each other, in good things that happen, in the little things in life.

To live a life of protecting each other from things that could happen, trusting each other in all things (finances, what you say, what you do), and hoping for good things to happen in your marriage (i.e. creating goals together).

Then when all of life comes at you like a hurricane, you can persevere, stand strong together, with God, living the marriage you always dreamed of. It takes doing all of these things, letting them become your daily habits, your character.  It is time to draw a line in the sand and choose for a better, stronger marriage. Let love live in your marriage.