The Unfinished Masterpiece: Press On For A Stronger Marriage

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  But one thing I do:  Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called  me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14

Paul makes powerful statements in this verse, this letter to the church in Galatia.  Most of the time we look at this verse in terms of our spiritual walk with Christ, in understanding we are not perfect, we are not where we were, yet we are not where we want to be.  This verse is filled with encouragement to keep “straining toward what is ahead.” But, I challenge you to take a deeper look at the verse and see how it applies to marriage.

We all have the tendency to see other couples, both strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family and assume their marriage is perfect.  We fight a silent battle within our hearts and homes wondering why our own marriages are not glossy and good as seen on social media.  Know that you are not alone.  As I break down this verse, phrase by phrase, I hope you find the encouragement you need to keep doing the work for a strong marriage.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect,

We need to have the mindset that we do not “make it” in marriage.  There isn’t a finish line to cross that means your marriage is pure perfection because there is always room for growth. Mistakes happen in a marriage because we are imperfect people, selfishness sets in, we are broken humans married to other broken humans.  Paul has that mindset of not being where he  wants to be and that is ok because of what he says in the next phrase…

But I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me

Paul presses on!  He does not quit when things get hard.  He sets the example for us to hold onto Jesus when things don’t go or even do go our way.  The key is to hold on to Jesus.  He is our foundation and He is holding onto us.  In your marriage, press on.  When marriage gets hard, press into your God who loves you, who carries you.  If you and your spouse both choose to draw closer to God, you cannot help but draw closer to each other.  Paul encourages us to “press on”, move forward no matter what you see.  In a marriage, the battle is often fought in the spiritual realm, so fight the enemy with the power of prayer.  You’ve got this.  

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.  

Paul admits that he still struggles with holding on to Jesus.  Whew!  The author of so much of the New Testament isn’t perfect!  He admits that he is working daily to hold onto Christ.  We have to do the same in our own relationship with God and our spouse.  What stops us from taking hold of it?  It may look like not praying enough, losing your temper too much, disregarding your spouse too much, prioritizing your job, friends, children over your spouse, etc.  As I said before, we are all broken and imperfect humans.  We all make mistakes.  Admitting that you’ve messed up, like this example Paul sets for us, is a starting point and it’s about to get better…

But one thing I do:

Paul gives us great advice here!  He even says he does “ONE THING” which is important to know and understand.  You start with one thing and when it becomes a habit you do another thing.  This is how the Lord changes us.  One thing at a time.  Maybe your “one thing” in your marriage is to look your spouse in the eyes and say something you appreciate about him or her.  That can become a daily habit, much like it was in the years you were dating.  That one thing can make such a difference in your marriage.

Forgetting what is behind 

That part is the best advice.  Paul chooses to forget what is behind him.  Think about this…when you drive, you learn to “glance” in the rear view mirror.  While you do need to see what is behind you at times, that cannot be your focus.  We can't stay focused on the rear view mirror or we wreck the car.  We have to keep our eyes forward.  How many of us beat ourselves up by mistakes made in the past?  Even if those mistakes have been truthfully dealt with and forgiven, we can be our own worst enemy with constant reminders of what we did.  If you always look back at those mistakes then you cannot look forward.  You may lose your way in your own marriage.  It is impossible to forget where you came from, the things that happened to you, or the problems you have had in life.  But don’t focus on that as it is behind you.  Learn from your mistakes.  Let the Lord heal you.  Choose to do better in the future.

And straining toward what is ahead

What is ahead?  Your goal.  What is your goal? A stronger marriage, a closer relationship to God and your spouse, better communication, expressing love to your spouse the way he or she needs.  One or all of those may be your goal.  Pick one and run with it!

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called  me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Paul tells us his goal in this last sentence.  His goal is to win the prize.  Think about your ultimate goal for your marriage and think about your prize.  Your prize is your salvation.  Your prize is your maturity in Christ.  Your prize is a strong marriage.  Your prize is a marriage that your children see and emulate.  Press on for a stronger marriage. My prayer is that this verse and my creative license to “heatherize” it touches your heart and encourages you to strive for a better marriage.