Relationships change over time, make sure you change with it.
When you and your spouse said those sweet words, “I Do,” promising to love and cherish one another for the rest of your lives, you meant them! You thought you would live happily in a wedding moment bubble, never having arguments, never becoming bitter, never drifting apart, never looking at one another wondering why you even married. No one goes into marriage expecting these things to happen. But they do. Things change for the worse and even for the better. Isn’t love enough? Doesn’t it matter that we were starry eyed and committed? Shouldn’t we live in that bubble forever? Y’all, bubbles pop. The wedding bubble popped. So now what? Why did it happen? Can we fix it? Are we doomed to be in this desert of a marriage forever?
Just like the Earth has seasons, marriage has seasons. Let’s explore this a little further. Seasons are the Earth’s way of growing, dying, resting and recreating. Things have to change! If the Earth had feelings it may say that the seasons hurt, that it hurts to let the grass fade and leaves fall, that it’s too hot or too cold. Every season brings new colors, new smells, new temperatures. We all know this because we change out our clothing in the closet to accommodate the new season! Ok, so we get the four season. It’s a cycle, it has to happen.
Changes are Inevitable
But, why do we have to have seasons in our marriage when that was never the intent? Of course no one wants change this drastic. You, likely, didn’t meant for this change to happen, yet it does. Time for another exploration. Your marriage changes because YOU change. You are not a robot or a paper doll. You are made up of emotions, interests, desires, and dislikes, and those can change over time. You enter different stages in life, such as, having a baby who ages into a teen, to being an empty nester. Job changes, illness, relocation, etc. The curveballs life throws at you cause your season to change into a new and possibly unexpected season that you may or may not be ready to handle. Change and newness can cause a rift in your relationship that you don’t even realize. That rift may become a canyon if you don’t take the necessary steps to close it in. What season do you find your marriage in currently? Spring? Summer? Winter? Autumn? Let’s talk about those four types of marital seasons and how it applies to you.
The Season of Spring
Spring on the Earth naturally means the earth is awakening. Rain covers the earth giving it the healthy drink it needs for these things to happen. Things that seemed dead, like trees, produce buds. Grass begins to grow. Baby animals are born. When you think about your relationship this may mean young love. You may have just said, “I Do.” Everything feels fresh and lovely. Or your spring may be depicted by a chance to start over in life because of a family move or new job. It may even be a new home that you have built together. Whatever the reason for spring, it is a time for growth. Sweet change is happening in your family. Take the time in this season to rest, relax, breath deep. Notice the newness. Sometimes we need to be remind to do that! If you are in the season of spring do not take it for granted. Appreciate it for the simplicity and beauty and growth. Let your love for each other grow in the spring.
The Season of Summer
Summer is when the Earth is is full bloom. And it can be extremely busy! This can be good and bad. You may find yourself sitting at the beach or hiking a mountain trail or floating in a lake soaking up the atmosphere one day and then rushing to and fro to go to appointments, and hauling four children to four different sporting events. Do you feel the business in the summer months? Does it make you cringe a little as you rush around and wish for the rest? It is so crucial that when you find your marriage in a busy summer season you take the time to invest in each other, giving the support your spouse needs. Make sure you practice good communication skills so that you are both aware of things happening within your family. Summer can be beautiful and full of opportunities but it can be chaotic and busy. Be careful not to overlook your spouse. Yes, that can happen so be intentional in your actions. If you find yourselves running in two different directions look for ways that you can connect with each other, whether it be a note, a text, or a hug. Find moments of rest and reconnection with your spouse to let love grow in the summer.
The Season of Autumn
Autumn is the Earth’s way of preparing for winter. The leaves change colors and fall from the trees. The flowers and grass fade. The animals are busily working in preparation for hibernation. The earth begins to cool. Your autumn season could be a time when life is slowing down a bit, as if you are nesting. You may be tired and exhausted. This is another season that you need in life even if it doesn’t make sense. Nothing is happening. Not much going on. You feel like you “have no life.” It could be easy to let boredom set in because of this. Take the time to refocus your mind and your heart. Reminisce of the previous seasons you have experienced. Think about goals you want to set for yourself and your family. Talk about plans together. Dream new dreams together. Explore a new hobby or sport. Appreciate this season as a time of settling your hearts, settling back into your marriage, and pouring into each other so love continues to grow.
The Season of Winter
Winter is when the Earth sleeps. It is tired. The trees are not supporting flowers, fruit, or leaves. They are dormant. We often say that we wish winter would end because we are frozen, tired of dressing in layers, miss the color of the other seasons versus the stark nakedness of winter. But don’t forget that winter is as beautiful as the rest of the year. The picturesque beauty of the bare tree with white snow on the branches against the blue sky is breathtaking. Take it in. There is beauty there. Is that true for your marriage? You may feel like you are in a cold desert. It could feel like there is no life, no love. You look at one another across the dinner table and have no words to say. You see a stranger. This is an extremely hard season. A sad time. How did you get here? When will this end? The questions could go on and on, sometimes with no answers. But don’t get stuck in the questions. Yes, we all have questions. But the most important question to ask yourself is this. What are you going to do about it?
You cannot stay in this season and it is up to you and your spouse to lean into God and do the work to get out of this. Ask God to show YOU what you can do or change to be the spouse God intends. Then do it! Often times we wait for the other person to change first. Don’t wait. Be the first one. And pray, pray, pray for your spouse, for your marriage, for strength, wisdom, and restoration in your marriage. I encourage you to climb across the glacier between you and express your love. Look for anything positive in your spouse because that is the minuscule seed that can grow and it will. This can make your marriage so much stronger as you grow towards God and to each other. Let God heal and restore your marriage as you move through this winter season.
The Bible says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:18
Support in the Cycle
Just as the Earth enters and exits seasons, so do you. I want to leave you with this one verse that sums up seasons in the Bible. Let’s look at what God says in Ecclesiastes 3:1-4. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Now think about your marriage. Does this help you make sense of what you have experienced? We will have these seasons. God says so! They are all coming. Stay connected with each other. Love each other no matter where you find yourselves.
Before You Go, Check Out Our Date Night Ideas to Stay Connected Through the Change
We have taken the work out of trying to figure out some fun and creative Date Night Activities. Our page is filled with some great ideas, so try one or try them all.
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