How Prioritizing Your Future Together Can Strengthen Your Bond
Benjamin Franklin said, “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” What a powerful statement! No one wants to fail in life. Feeling like a failure is quite painful. If you are like me the fear of failure is a real thing and often keeps you on the couch rather than trying something new. Sometimes I have to force myself to take that leap of faith and when I do it is worth it.
So how does this apply to your marriage? We plan our wedding from the cake, flowers, attire, finances, to the guests. What is the purpose of focusing so intently on something that lasts only one day? Well, we want that day to be memorable and perfect. And it likely is. The planning and goal setting for something you both wanted was partly the reason for that special day turning out so amazing and memorable. After you say, “I do,” it is still crucial that you plan your lives and set goals together. It helps you stay in constant communication about the important things happening in your marriage. It keeps you united. It brings you to decisions about what is working and what is not. It helps you clarify your wants and needs in your marriage. Goal setting gives your marriage direction as you travel through life together. Setting goals together and achieving them can help keep you united, working together as one.
The word “goals” may sound like such a big word but it doesn’t need to be. Don’t be afraid of that word. I am talking about small goals, large goals, short term goals, and long term goals. All of the above. Start with those small ones. Just a few weeks ago Brian and I set a goal to carve out time for a major closet clean out. Seems so silly to even call that a goal but we needed to do it and we felt so incredible when it was done. The time spent working together, the conversations that took place about the items we came across, the loads of items donated to charity, the completion of the job and feelings we felt were worth it. We could check the box that the goal was met. All that to say that sometimes we do need to set a goal of taking time for things as mundane as a closet clean out.
Perhaps you look around your home and are overwhelmed by the projects that need to be done. It can be exhausting to think about the time, effort, and money it would take to do everything you want or need to do to make your house feel fresh again. That, my friends, is an example of a long term and very large goal. How do you possibly complete all of the tasks? Well, how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time! We need to break down the goals into bite sized pieces and make them doable.
Three Types of Goals
Personal Goals are just for you and could include committing to a form of exercise, connecting with a close friend, giving up something that interferes with your life, or advancing in your career. This could also be something like purging items from your closet or drawers. Think about those things that are important to you personally and choose up to three things that you would like to prioritize in your life.
Family Goals help you focus on the direction your family takes. This could include starting family dinners, game nights, or family devotions. Perhaps the desire to have a child is your family goal. Maybe you want to spend time with another family more regularly to build connections with other people. It could be a family vacation or finding a way to give back to your community. The point is to make goals that would build the strength within your family.
Couple Goals are for you and your spouse. What is it that will bring you closer together? How can your bond be strengthened? Think about some things that you would like to do together. Do you need to prioritize date nights? What about finding a marriage conference to attend? Is praying together something you would like to see happen more often? Think about those projects you have around your house. Perhaps, as a couple, you make it a goal to do one project, plan how it will get done, and do it.
How Do We Get Started
Set aside time to do this and get the paper and pencil ready. This is the fun part! Go in separate rooms and list up to three goals that you have for each category above. Then come together and take turns sharing your goals. You may share similar goals or you may surprise each other. Next, choose one or two goals for each category that you would like to pursue. Then talk about how reaching those goals can happen. How much time will it take? What is the estimated cost? What will it take for it to come to fruition?
Take That First Step!
Determine together as a couple that you will work on these things. You may find some of this is easy or perhaps it is difficult. The key is that you don’t give up and that you support one another. Check in on those personal goals that your spouse has set. Give words of encouragement, offer assistance, problem solve if needed. Involve your family in the discussion of things that may likely change or new habits that you want to create. Have the conversation with your teens about the way dinners may look and feel different. Check in with your family to gauge their responses and feelings about the new goals. Finally, as a couple be sure to stay in constant communication about your goals together. Make your marriage the priority so that it lasts.
But Don't Stop There
When you reach the goals set in all of these categories, be sure to set new ones. Never stop living life together. Keep making the plans so that you are an example of a successful marriage and family. Even if the goals you set don’t work out it’s ok. You tried something new and perhaps now is not the time. Occasionally you will need to reassess your personal, family, and couple goals. Ask the questions of each other about the ‘rightness’ of that goal and should you change directions. There is such a learning curve of lessons in life so don’t be afraid if something did not work out. Keep moving forward together in making plans and setting goals.
One Caveat
In all of this, do not forget to align your will with God’s will for your life. That is the most important thing of all. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” Prov 3:5-6. To submit to Christ is to lean into Him to know His will for your life. When you are not sure what God’s will is for you, know that you can always turn to what His word says. “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” Psa 119:105. If you are not sure if the goals you have set together, ask God to show you. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jer 29:11. Trust in God to guide you. He truly wants what is best for you. God wants your marriage to prosper so stay the course, set goals together, and let God’s blessings pour out on you.
Get the FREE "Goal Setting 101 Workbook"
This workbook gives you the ability to set 3 Personal Goals, 3 Couple Goals, and 3 Family Goals. We recommend each spouse pick up a copy and complete the exercises individually separate from your spouse. Then come together to discuss. Then there are a couple of spaces for each goal to write an Action Step to get you moving in the right direction.
Click Here to Get the FREE GUIDE Goal Setting 101 Workbook.
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