What Does Jesus's Death on the Cross Have to Do with Your Marriage?

Have you ever looked at a crucifix or thought about the story of Jesus dying for our sins and wondered, "What does that have to do with my marriage?" It's a question I've been wrestling with, especially as we approached Easter, a time of year when the focus is so intensely on the cross. We often think of the cross in a theological sense, and rightfully so. It's the ultimate act of God’s love for the world. But as someone who is passionate about marriage, I've come to see profound parallels between Jesus's sacrifice and the love we are called to have for our spouses.

It's a beautiful, and sometimes challenging, connection. If we truly want to have a marriage that is "Christ-like," we have to look to the cross as our ultimate guide. It teaches us three powerful lessons: the meaning of sacrificial love, the gift of grace and mercy, and the importance of selflessness.

The Greatest Act of Sacrificial Love

To understand Jesus's love, we have to start with John 3:16, a verse so well-known it's almost become a catchphrase: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Jesus, fully God and fully man, knew exactly what awaited him on the cross. He knew the physical pain, the emotional torment, and the immeasurable weight of every sin ever committed, from the beginning of time to the end. Yet, He chose to go. He went to the cross bearing all our shame as an ultimate act of love for us. It was a choice, an action—a sacrifice. He sealed our fate with Him, offering us eternal life through His blood.

Now, let's bring that into the context of marriage. Think about your wedding day. It’s the day you proclaim to the world, and to each other, "This is how much I love you." Whether you recite traditional vows or write your own, you are promising to love, honor, and protect each other through better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health. It is the ultimate act of love you can commit to one another.

However, as time goes on, that kind of sacrificial love can get lost in the shuffle of daily life. When we're dating or newlyweds, it's easy to make sacrifices. If my spouse had come to me while we were dating and said, "I want to quit my job and travel the world!" I would've said, "Oh my gosh, that's so spontaneous and amazing!" But if that same thing happened ten years into our marriage, when we have bills and responsibilities, I'd probably say, "Wait a minute! What are you talking about?" As our lives get more entangled, it becomes harder to make sacrifices for each other. We can easily become so focused on our own desires that we lose sight of the needs of our spouse.

The Gift of Grace and Mercy

The cross also teaches us about grace and mercy. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Grace is God giving us something good that we don't deserve—like eternal life. We were sinners, undeserving of His sacrifice, but He gave it to us anyway. Mercy is God withholding something from us that we do deserve—like the punishment for our sins. He chose to take our punishment on the cross so that we wouldn't have to. The love, grace, and mercy that God shows us are all wrapped up in that one beautiful act.

How can we apply this to our marriages? We can offer grace to our spouses by doing loving things for them that they don't deserve. One famous couples researcher, John Gottman, says that a happy and healthy relationship needs a ratio of at least five positive interactions for every one negative one. Really happy couples have a ratio closer to 10 or 20 to 1. That's what grace looks like—it's giving your spouse a loving word, a thoughtful gift, or a moment of encouragement just because you love them, even when they’ve annoyed you.

Conversely, mercy is about withholding the punishment your spouse might deserve. When you’re in a tough spot and all you want to do is "let 'em have it," mercy is choosing to hold your tongue. It’s not letting fire fight fire. We're not saying you should be a doormat. If your spouse is treating you unkindly or if there’s abuse, of course you need to stand up for yourself. But in those small, rocky moments when your relationship is generally healthy, choosing not to give your spouse what they "deserve" can be the catalyst that turns things around. A gentle word, a kind act—it can be the very thing that starts the healing process.

The Power of Selflessness

Finally, the cross teaches us the power of selflessness. Jesus chose to endure immense physical pain and emotional torment, taking on the weight of every sin ever committed, not for himself, but for us. His sacrifice was completely selfless.

In our marriages, we are called to that same selflessness. Can you put your spouse’s needs above your own? Can you think about what they want or need more than what you want or need in a given moment? Maybe your spouse is having a rough day and their head is hurting. Instead of kicking back and putting your feet up after a long day of work, can you offer to make dinner, get the kids bathed, and let them rest? This is a moment where the "war between the flesh and the spirit" is real. Our flesh wants to be selfish, to only think of ourselves. But our spirit, guided by Christ, calls us to do whatever it takes to serve our spouse.

We are all tired, and we all have moments when we want what we want. But a truly Christ-like marriage requires us to occasionally humble ourselves and put our spouse first.

Loving Like Jesus

If you want to have a Christ-like marriage, look to the cross. It is the perfect example of how to love sacrificially, to offer grace and mercy, and to live selflessly. Can we love the way Jesus loves? Can we be a source of grace, full of forgiveness and kindness? I believe we can, and I believe doing so will make a profound difference in our relationships.