The Pifalls of Opposite Sex Friendships in a Marriage

Why you should think twice before entering into a friendship with someone of the opposite sex while you are married.

If you are reading this article chances are that you have dealt with the issue of opposite sex friendships or are thinking about it.  I will tell you that when I was married the first time, I decided on my own that it would be a good idea if I carpooled with a female coworker since we lived closed to each other and had a roughly 30-40 minute drive into our work.  I really never gave it a thought that anything might happen between us emotionally or physically.  I am happy to report that nothing ever did, nor did anything ever come close to that.  However, now looking back 30 years later, I am a bit mortified that I didn’t realize at the time that this could have been a train wreck waiting to happen. 

If this situation arose now, I can tell you that I would not have done this.  We can say all we want that nothing would happen and that we would try our best, the unfortunate thing is we are flawed human beings that can sometimes allow emotions to get the best of us.  When we start to feel an emotional or physical attraction, we can often begin to make decision based solely on the emotional side of our brains and not include the cognitive or logical side which helps us with long term thinking. 

In the journey of marriage, couples often face a multitude of decisions that can impact the strength and health of their relationship. One such decision is whether or not it is appropriate for each spouse to have close friendships with members of the opposite sex. While friendships are valuable, when it comes to marriage, the dynamics of these relationships can become complex and potentially problematic. In this blog post, we will explore why it might not be a good idea for married individuals to have friends of the opposite sex, the potential negative consequences, the importance of setting boundaries, and the guidance offered by biblical principles. Additionally, we will discuss how to navigate interactions with the opposite sex in the presence of your spouse.

The Potential Negative Consequences

Emotional Intimacy

One of the primary risks of having close friendships with the opposite sex is the potential for emotional intimacy to develop. Emotional intimacy involves sharing personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences. When this level of connection occurs outside of the marital relationship, it can lead to emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity can be just as damaging, if not more so, than physical infidelity. It diverts emotional energy and attention away from the spouse, creating a rift in the marital bond.

Jealousy and Insecurity

Opposite-sex friendships can also foster jealousy and insecurity in a marriage. Even if the relationship is purely platonic, the perception of a close bond with someone else can lead to feelings of inadequacy and mistrust. These feelings can undermine the foundation of trust that is essential for a healthy marriage. A spouse might begin to question the nature of the friendship, leading to unnecessary stress and conflict within the relationship.

Temptation and Boundaries

Another significant concern is the temptation that may arise from spending time with a friend of the opposite sex. Even with the best intentions, humans are susceptible to temptation. What starts as an innocent friendship can evolve into something more if boundaries are not strictly maintained. The proximity and emotional connection can lead to situations where lines are blurred, and the sanctity of the marital relationship is compromised.

The Importance of Setting Boundaries

Clear Communication

To safeguard the marriage, it is crucial for couples to establish clear boundaries regarding friendships with the opposite sex. Open and honest communication is key. Discuss your comfort levels and any concerns you might have. Agree on what is acceptable and what is not. For instance, it might be agreed that all interactions with friends of the opposite sex should be in group settings or with both spouses present.

Transparency

Transparency is another vital component. Ensure that your spouse is aware of your friendships and interactions with members of the opposite sex. Hiding or downplaying these relationships can breed suspicion and distrust. By being open and transparent, you demonstrate respect and consideration for your spouse's feelings.

Physical Boundaries

Physical boundaries are also important. Avoid situations where you are alone with a friend of the opposite sex. Opt for public places and group activities and most important your spouse should be present if possible. This not only helps to prevent any inappropriate behavior but also sends a clear message that your marriage is your priority.

Biblical Principles on Friendships and Marriage

Prioritizing the Marriage Covenant

The Bible emphasizes the sanctity of marriage and the importance of prioritizing the marital relationship above all others. In Ephesians 5:31, it is written, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This verse highlights the unique and exclusive bond that marriage creates. Friendships should not interfere with this sacred union.

Avoiding Temptation

Proverbs 4:23 advises, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Guarding your heart means being mindful of the influences and relationships that have the potential to lead you astray. In the context of opposite-sex friendships, it means setting boundaries to protect your heart and your marriage from temptation.

Honoring Your Spouse

In 1 Peter 3:7, husbands are instructed to "be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect." Similarly, Ephesians 5:33 instructs wives to respect their husbands. Respecting your spouse includes honoring their feelings and concerns about opposite-sex friendships. It involves making choices that affirm your commitment and love for them.

Conclusion

While friendships are an important part of life, married couples need to approach opposite-sex friendships with caution. The potential for emotional intimacy, jealousy, insecurity, and temptation can pose significant risks to the health of a marriage. By setting clear boundaries, maintaining transparency, and adhering to biblical principles, couples can safeguard their relationship. Ensuring that interactions with the opposite sex occur with your spouse present can also help to build trust and foster a sense of unity.

Marriage is a sacred bond that requires effort, commitment, and vigilance. By prioritizing your spouse and your marriage above all else, you create a strong foundation that can withstand the challenges and temptations of life. Remember, your marriage is worth protecting, and the choices you make can either strengthen or weaken this precious relationship.

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