A Husband's Calling: What It Really Means to Be a Spiritual Leader

Hey, husbands. I'm going to be completely honest with you. The phrase "spiritual leader of the household" can feel heavy. Maybe you hear it and immediately feel a knot in your stomach because you're not sure what it means. Or maybe you think, "I'm not good enough for that," or "I'm way too busy."

If you've ever felt that way, this is for you.

Before we dive in, let me get something out of the way: I do not have this all figured out. Not by a long shot. I am not the perfect spiritual leader, nor have I ever claimed to be. I am a flawed man on a journey, just like you. I've seen what happens when you don't step up. In my first marriage, I wasn't proactive at all. We didn't go to church, and I didn't make our spiritual life a priority. I can say, without a doubt, that played a part in why that marriage didn't work.

Now, in my current marriage, things are different. It's not because I'm perfect, but because I’m more intentional about it. It’s a work in progress, but the effort makes all the difference.

So, let's clear the air and talk about what a spiritual leader is not.

What a Spiritual Leader Is NOT

First, it’s not about being perfect. You don't have to be a pastor or a theologian. You don't need to quote every scripture verbatim or be "super spiritual" 24/7. That's a human standard we can't meet. Even I mix up my verses sometimes! What matters is the effort—the conscious decision to try, even if you stumble.

Second, it’s not about being bossy or telling everyone what to do. This isn't some corporate model where you're the CEO and everyone else falls in line. That's not biblical leadership; that's domination. The purpose of a spiritual leader is to lead with love and service, just as Jesus did. He was the ultimate servant leader, laying down His life for others. I think of the Samaritan woman at the well. It wasn't the custom for a Jewish man to speak with her, but He did anyway because He saw her struggle and her need for a Savior. That’s the kind of servant heart we’re called to have.

Third, it’s not about doing it alone. You've probably heard the phrase, "It's lonely at the top." That might be true in the business world, but it doesn't have to be true in your home. You're not alone! You have your wife, who is your partner and wants to support you. And most importantly, you have the triune God—the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—to lean on. You also have resources like this blog and our videos at Love How Deep. You have people in your corner.

Finally, it’s not about showing off. True spiritual leadership happens in the quiet, day-to-day moments. It’s not for public praise or to make you look good. It's about asking your wife, "What can I pray with you about today?" or taking the initiative to do a family devotional. It's the small, consistent actions in your home that matter most.

What a Spiritual Leader IS

So, if it’s none of those things, then what is it? Here are five key qualities of a spiritual leader:

A Burden-Bearer: This means you help carry your family's emotional and spiritual burdens. It's not about jumping in to solve every problem instantly. Sometimes, it's about being present, listening patiently, and saying, "That's awful. I'm here with you, and we'll figure this out together." That kind of empathy and support is a powerful way to carry a burden.
A Shepherd: A good shepherd guides and protects, but not with a harsh, demanding voice. They lead gently. When a sheep wanders, a shepherd's staff is used to guide it back, not to punish it. When a family trusts its leader, they can hear his voice—a calm, kind voice—and follow willingly.
A Learner and Seeker: You can't pour from an empty cup. To lead your family spiritually, you must first tend to your own faith. This means continuously learning and seeking God's will. Don't worry about having perfect faith; God asks for the faith of a mustard seed. Just a little bit of faith is all He needs to work wonders.
A Demonstrator of Faith: As the Bible says, "faith without works is dead." It's not enough to just believe; you must live it out. Your actions are the most powerful sermon your family will ever hear. It won't be perfect—you will slip up—but the key is to dust yourself off and keep trying.
A Person of Prayer: This is where it all starts. If you're uncomfortable praying out loud, start small. Pray silently to yourself, then maybe begin to speak your prayers aloud. Eventually, you can pray with your wife and, over time, with your whole family. Just start somewhere, because prayer is a direct connection to the source of all spiritual power.

Why It's All So Important

Why should you bother with all of this? Because it has a ripple effect that touches every part of your life.

For your marriage: When you and your wife have a shared vision—following the Lord together—you build an unbreakable bond. It creates a deep closeness that I didn't have in my first marriage, and it’s a foundation that can withstand any storm.
For your kids: I was blessed to have parents who sent me to church, even though our family’s faith wasn't perfect. That foundation was strong enough to bring me back to my faith after I had wandered away. Research shows that when a husband goes to church, the rest of the family is much more likely to follow. Your leadership sets a powerful example.
For your own faith: As you take small steps of faith, you'll start to see God work in your life. With each success, your faith will grow, and you'll become more confident in taking bigger steps in the future.
Because it's God's plan: A strong family unit is the foundation of our society. A strong family leads to a strong community, a strong community leads to a strong city, and so on. Your spiritual leadership is like a pebble dropped in a lake, creating ripples that can change the world.

Overcoming the Hurdles

I know what you're thinking. "Yeah, but Brian, I don't feel good enough." That's a common hurdle. But think of the Bible—God consistently uses flawed, average, and "not-good-enough" people to do His greatest work. He's looking for a humble heart, not a perfect person. He can mold you if you're willing.

Maybe you're still held back by mistakes from your past. My first marriage ended, and I could have given up. But God showed me that my past doesn't have to define me. As Isaiah 43:18 says, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!"

The key is to start small. Don't try to eat the whole elephant at once. Just take one bite. One small step. That’s all you need.

Finally, remember that God will help you. You don't have to figure this out alone. God doesn't equip the prepared; He prepares the equipped. He's ready to give you the tools and the help you need if you're just willing to take that first step.

So, take a deep breath. This journey won't be perfect, but it's one of the most rewarding you'll ever embark on. I know it can be a bit scary, but you are not alone.

And if you’re looking for a little more guidance, I encourage you to check out our free guide, "10 Practical Strategies for Communication." Take this guide to your wife and start talking through it. It's a simple, proactive step that can make a huge difference.

Wrapping Up & Your Free Resource!

As a little extra help, I want to invite you to grab our free communication workbook called "10 Practical Steps to Communication." Click the Link Here: https://love-how-deep.kit.com/practical-communication-strategies

This workbook is going to be incredibly helpful in kicking off these boundary discussions in a really healthy way. The more you talk about these things, the better and easier it will become, I promise.

So make sure you pick that up!