Are you Mumbling or Does Your Spouse Have Peanut Butter in their ears?

You marriage depends on getting this common and slightly frustrating communication issue fixed.

Do you ever have conversations with your spouse in which you are accused of mumbling or maybe that you have peanut butter in your ears? Maybe it's the other way around and you've said that to your spouse? Either way, this can be a very frustrating occurrence. I will tell you that this happens some in my marriage and so that I don't get in too much trouble I will probably keep this post short. After all Heather is responsible for editing this.

Speaking and Listening in a Marriage Relationship

If you have been married for a few years, you know all about the difficulty in communication with your spouse. Sometimes people get upset at why communication is so bad with their spouse yet so good with others. I have several theories on this. I wonder whether you agree or disagree?

The first is that for most of us we probably have a significantly larger frequency of conversations with our spouse than with anyone else. So this means that the percentage chance of difficulty raises immensely right? Another way to say it is the more miles I drive my car, the higher likelihood of various parts will break down more quickly. The same goes for communication with your spouse.

The second reason that we mumble or "don't" hear is that with all of these conversations, we probably do take many of them for granted and potentially don't give it our all or simply just tune out. For most of us I don't believe that this one is intentional. I don't really believe we set out to send the message that I am going to mumble my way through an answer or that my ears aren't going to be fully engaged. This one has to do probably with the novelty of hearing something different. In a marriage relationship we can often hear the same type of thing over and over again.

The third reason we are mumbling or not hearing is that there is often a lot going on around us. Some of it we can control and other things we can't. For many of us, we have the TV going, the kids acting crazy, dinner on the stove, the phone ringing, and so on. It's no wonder we mumble our way through conversations or don't fully listen.

So what in the world do we do? I'll give 3 things to think about doing more of when you are communicating. As usual, I will line up what I say with the backing of the Word of God.

Be Proactive

Being more proactive means consciously speaking more clearly and with a higher volume (but not too loud as if you are yelling). In Proverbs 6:6-8, it says:

"Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest."

What this is saying, is that it is up to you to make communication better. Don't wait for your spouse to do something or for it to be a better time. Make it happen now.

Be Present

This one is probably getting so old because I think say it in every blog post. I'll work on something new next time. In today's age, we can be so out to lunch in our minds that we don't pay attention. We are thinking about something we did yesterday, something that's coming, or some unrelated stressor all while trying to listen to our spouse.

Proverbs 18:13 says:

To answer before listening is folly and shame.

This often happens when we are not fully paying attention. So take some time to hear what is being said and ask to have it repeated if necessary.

Be Personal

So what does this one mean? It means valuing the relationship you have with your spouse just as much as the issue you are discussing. All of us can often get so wrapped in the thing we are talking about that we often can miss out what might be happening to our connection. This can mean staying intentional on that emotional side of your brain. If the conversation gets intense make sure to express how you are feeling and conversely check in with your spouse around how they are feeling.

One of my favorite passages in the bible is also in Proverbs in Chapter 16 verse 24.

"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."

So always remember give equal or even more weight to checking in on the relationship during an intense discussion just as much as working out the issue.

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